I will forgive myself for behaving badly in my 20’s while I was trying to figure out who I was.I wasn’t a big party person but I was a know it all.
I thought I understood boundaries and relationships but now I know that I was mostly being an asshole. I forgive myself because at the time they were the best decisions I knew how to make.
I am not an asshole anymore and I have learned. It’s time to forgive myself.
I am also going to forgive myself for leaving good relationships to enter into bad ones, which ultimately led to a (thankfully) short, but bad marriage that had to end…embarrassingly and painfully.
I live with the regret that I spent time in an unhealthy situation that I would not want for my anyone.
Although I tried, I learned that I couldn’t “fix” everything. I couldn’t fix him, or me or what was essentially wrong in that relationship and so I had to let it go. Yet I learned — on a deep cellular level — that it is not possible for me to fix everything, and that knowledge allowed me to be free.
Never again did I work that hard to change what does not want to be changed. And as I truly accepted myself and my limits, I was finally able to allow a good relationship with a man I love which led to two amazing children that I adore.
I forgive myself for not knowing what would make me happy. I delayed getting into the right relationship and having a family. Now I want as much life as possible with these people. This family has blasted open my heart like nothing ever has. I would like to think that I would have felt that way as a the person I was long ago, but who knows. The raw truth is that I took the slow road and received everything.
I forgive myself for not being a better daughter. I forgive myself for blaming my parents for what might have been my stuff. I forgive myself because through that struggle I found out that love sometimes means walking the valleys with people (and not giving up on them).
I forgive myself for not knowing everything. I allow myself to know what I know and to be okay with what I don’t know. To still be curious and excited, to use all the wisdom from the many bumpy roads I have taken.
But today, I’m taking the road that leads to forgiving myself.
How about you? Will you start today too?
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