Many times a client will tell me…
“I think I just need to just check in and NOT have regular scheduled sessions. Is that okay?”
Here is my answer:
Hell yes, it is okay.
I will forgive myself for behaving badly in my 20’s while I was trying to figure out who I was. I wasn’t a big party person but I was a know it all.
I thought I understood boundaries and relationships but now I know that I was mostly being an asshole (and a teeny bit judgemental). I forgive myself because at the time they were the best decisions I knew how to make.
I am not an asshole anymore and I have learned. It’s time to forgive myself.
When you are in a relationship (any close relationship) you realize that:
Everyone has sharp edges.
Did you know that…
And then…
I was swimming with my children on a beautiful beach in Poipu, Kauai when this dialogue took place.
Child: “Mom, your legs are chubby.”
Me: “Now, is that nice to say?”
Child:”Yes, they are comfortable to sit on.”
Many clients come into my office asking if it’s possible to remove troubling aspects of their personalities. Often I might hear:
Can you help me to get rid of my anxiety?
Is it possible to completely eliminate my depression?
How exactly do I totally let go of my anger?
The phrase JUST BE YOURSELF has always confused me when it comes to relating to other people. Obviously we all want to get along with others. We want this because it just feels nice, and because relating well to others is correlated with all kinds of perks like better health, an increase in happiness and a longer life.
Recently I had to print out and LOOK AT financials from my practice. When I saw the numbers my heart sunk. I felt that I hadn’t done well last year. I felt that I had slacked. And that made me feel guilty.
Then I stopped myself from heading down this path and began talking to myself…(not aloud. well maybe aloud). So this is how the self-analysis went down.
I work with bright clients. Most people that come to see me could pick up any number of self help books how to fix whatever issue they have. Yet sometimes all that knowledge doesn’t work.
My clients already know all the current wisdom, like:
Sister somebody once told me in the third grade, “Nicole, your handwriting is terrible. You will never get anywhere with that handwriting.” I remember trying to pay attention so I could master each task with perfection until I realized it probably wasn’t going to happen.
While at the time I was devastated by the news that my handwriting stunk, now I think, Is this true? Does my handwriting have to be good? I mean, do we have to be good at every subject?
Maybe not. In fact, what I have found in life is that working together with a team of different talents is good enough. It turns out that the things I don’t like to do or am not good at, other people like to do and are good at. If we work together, the job gets done. Why didn’t anyone tell me this before?
