Do you struggle with intimacy?
Do you wonder if someone is nuts because they seem to actually like YOU?
Do you find yourself in relationships where you feel undervalued?
What thing in your life are you NOT doing because it won’t be done perfectly?
This issue might just be one of the MOST common themes I encounter in my practice.
Over the past 15 years my views on what it means to “have issues” have changed. Sure there are people who have serious mental illnesses – and that absolutely cannot be minimized. It’s important to act quickly and thoroughly when someone has acute health issues. Yet I have come to realize that most of us are just dealing with the human condition.
Many times a client will tell me…
“I think I just need to just check in and NOT have regular scheduled sessions. Is that okay?”
Here is my answer:
Hell yes, it is okay.
I will forgive myself for behaving badly in my 20’s while I was trying to figure out who I was. I wasn’t a big party person but I was a know it all.
I thought I understood boundaries and relationships but now I know that I was mostly being an asshole (and a teeny bit judgemental). I forgive myself because at the time they were the best decisions I knew how to make.
I am not an asshole anymore and I have learned. It’s time to forgive myself.
When you are in a relationship (any close relationship) you realize that:
Everyone has sharp edges.
Did you know that…
And then…
I was swimming with my children on a beautiful beach in Poipu, Kauai when this dialogue took place.
Child: “Mom, your legs are chubby.”
Me: “Now, is that nice to say?”
Child:”Yes, they are comfortable to sit on.”
Many clients come into my office asking if it’s possible to remove troubling aspects of their personalities. Often I might hear:
Can you help me to get rid of my anxiety?
Is it possible to completely eliminate my depression?
How exactly do I totally let go of my anger?
The phrase JUST BE YOURSELF has always confused me when it comes to relating to other people. Obviously we all want to get along with others. We want this because it just feels nice, and because relating well to others is correlated with all kinds of perks like better health, an increase in happiness and a longer life.
