Many sessions with my clients are sprinkled with thoughts about regret.
What if I had done this instead of that?
Why didn’t I know this sooner?
What if I had gone, not gone, chosen a different doctor?
When I came up with the term to think possible, it was in response to years of thinking that to be successful you had to be close to perfect. As I dismantled my own belief that one had to be excellent in every way to be excellent in some ways I realized that many of the people that came in to see me felt the same way. If I am not almost perfect in all ways I can’t be amazing in any one way?
So this is what we did. It is what we do. We spent all day making the massa sovada, the bread of my ancestors. We baked it the way my dad’s mom had, which she had learned from her mom, and her mom had likely learned from hers. The recipe has changed a little, but with so few ingredients, it remains pretty similar. We do this to connect to my grandma. By connecting to her we connect with each other (which was her biggest passion anyway).
You will be okay again – the art of getting back up
The last couple years I have been suckered punched. I have also learned to get up after being sucker punched. In between those knock outs I have experienced a full and wonderful life.
How do you feel when someone comes to you with pain…emotional or otherwise? What happens in your body? What do you want to do? What do you want to say?
Now picture when you are in pain…emotional or otherwise, what is that you want? What is it that you most want people to say or do?
Awhile ago my husband and I went to go see the unique and iconic singer Sia. She was amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed the show.
She never took center stage, instead choosing to stand off to the side. Her face was never visible. She stayed hidden behind her iconic wig. On center stage were her amazing dancers and actors and her full, beautiful voice filled the space around us. It was a full production. Yet she never placed herself at the center of it all.
This morning when I woke up the sun hit my face in a way that made me feel happy, glad to be alive. It’s not because I slept well. I woke up halfway through the night thinking for too long before I fell back asleep. And today is full and with no breaks. But still I feel good.
My very favorite part of the growth process is when change becomes so real and so natural that it becomes like a fire in your belly that can’t be contained. Let’s call it a good fire. I felt this way after my divorce from my first husband. Leaving without knowing if I would even marry again (and not really caring either way on that one), not knowing how or if I would have children (something I still wanted) and saying to the world…whatever comes next I don’t care because anything is better than this. I felt as if I stopped caring about what others thought (as much). And started caring MORE about what was important to me. What was once a small flame of self love, respect and deep knowing grew big and bright.
While your initial instinct may be to say, “no”, take a moment to really think about it.
A really sweet male client came into my office a few months ago. For years he had been in bad relationships with women who didn’t treat him well. He was delighted to tell me that he had finally found a good match! But he had booked an appointment with me because he found he was picking fights with her. He was confused by his own behavior wondering why he was doing something that he ultimately felt was blocking his own happiness.
Lately I have been struggling with a bit of grumpiness.
It’s not out of control but it sits there under the surface, tugging at me. You know…just a low level crankiness. And with that crankiness I find that lately I am noticing everything that I DON’T LIKE.
